Music. Meyoo-zeek. Moo-sic. What does this word mean.

Just returned from another busy Friday night -- this time interviewing Niskerone & Natalia, SFR, Hyphen and attending a dismal end at the Mercury -- and I'm exhausted. Kinda tipsy, but feeling clear. Feeling a little zombified by self-loathing, but that's normal huh. Moments of tonight...

* seeing natalia and wondering if i'd ever be good enough
* dancing to D&B and forgetting
* "well done, john" in the car on the way back from the interview. no glamour in this industry.
* feeling that deep-seated resolve to get friends with everyone and then turn around with "hey, i'm a musician too." until then, frustration at hearing others and their adventures. but whatever. i have all the success i need just knowing who i am.
* blaise at mercury pays no attention to me. if i had a future camera, i'd have stayed at home.
* home and dry.

so the usual, boot up because this little dell is my best friend, after all. i feel the need to concentrate on something. i am incredible. i am an amazing person, and i wish that i could walk into a bar and everyone would fall at my feet and offer me sex. i wish for these things, but i'm not worth it, am i? i'm a sensitive boy with a big fuckin act that helps me get through. curses, you fool. just be.

just be. i guess it's good enough. i could care less. a lot less. i love music more than myself. it's why i'm here. production, performance, publicity, promotion and progression of music.